I wrote this blog months ago, and never got around to posting it. Life has a funny way of letting things fall through the cracks So I'm going to break the blogging rules, and i'm going to post something that i wrote a good two months ago. Fall is right around the corner, the other part of the year that i find completely perfect, so i feel like this is fitting:
The fourth of July is my favorite holiday, by a long shot. It's silly really, but something about this time of year is just so hopeful.. Even bittersweet sometimes. The rodeo comes to town, and just about every person I've ever known shows up. The carnival, the street dance, the parade, fireworks, barbecues, family, friends. I just love it. Today was the Rodeo, the carnival, and the street dance.
It's really nothing to do with what we do. The rodeo is basically the same every year. We sit in the bleachers that feel like they should have fallen down a decade ago, watch the cowboys chase down the baby cows and rope em' up. My mom cheers as loud as she can, every year, for the baby cows to get away. And somehow, most all of them do. Then when that's all over we walk around the carnival, we never really ride anything, it's so small, but we get a corn dog (the one corn dog i eat a year) and wander. Then we head over the street dance, watch the drunken people dance, listen to the band, wish we had the guts to be those two people in the center of the dance floor having the best night of just about everyone there, and we just take it all it. It's more to do with the feeling of it all.
Somehow this time of year makes me remember everything I've ever dreamed of. All the silly things. The things i would normally brush aside as something less important, they all suddenly come to life, and seem so important. Like some cheesy country song. Falling in love, living my dream, dancing the night away without a worry, with everything in the world to look forward to. That's how it feels. Like something is pulling on my heart, trying to bring back to life the parts of it that feel so ridiculously 'girly' sometimes.
I've decided to embrace it. The girlishness, and the love of the little things. I've been finding inspiration on the moments like that. Taking the time to listen to those feelings that i think are so silly most of the time. I heard someone say once, 'If money, fear, time, or resources, weren't a factor in your decision making, what would you be doing right now?' I've been thinking a lot about that one..And you know what? I think, with all of those things taken into account, if i could be doing anything, it would be simple. My first thought is that i would be laying under some sort of beautiful homemade canopy, made of a warm floral pattern, Hanging over a great big comfy bed, with feather blankets and pillows, with a fancy tea set, just drinking tea, maybe reading a book, or spending time with someone i love. I wonder why it is that those moments are the ones that i tend to strive the most for in life, and experience the fewest of..? Maybe because striving is very rarely, if ever, the answer to all of lifes little questions.
I feel like it should be easier to know when it's time to say yes to things, and when to let them go. But I'm learning that the process really is worth it all. How cliche is that? Maybe i'm okay with that...Who decided that cliche was a bad thing anyway, hmm? Anyways, Blog friends, the point is, if there really even is one, is that i've decided to stop striving for those moments. Putting them in a box, and only letting them come out when i feel like the surroundings deserve to be graced by their presence. Life doesn't happen like that. I've always been so concerned with not letting myself live in a box, that i didn't even realize i was putting so many other things into one. So, i'm burning the box, and trying out the vulnerable thing for a little while. I'll keep you posted on that :]
From my Blogland to yours,
Sweet dreams cyberspace.
CarissaDearest
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